By Robert Cribb
Men are living evidence that Darwin was right.
Our hair-suits, hand-me downs from our prehistoric ancestors, have evolved into unsightly personal grooming liabilities in the eyes of many modern men — and their female mates.
And so, they engage in the self-loathing exercise of shaving, waxing and tweezing in a futile attempt to deny genetic predispositions and attain the contemporary form of enlightenment called hairlessness.
After thousands of years of scant, weep-inducing options, de-tufting technology is finally getting an upgrade to faster, less painful fur-coat shedding.
Call it the purple nurple of hair removal!
The LightSheer Duet Laser Hair Reduction Treatment machine combines laser hair removal technology with a vacuum that sucks hair from follicle with little or no pain.
Swaths of body hair that took afternoons of anguished tugging over repeated visits to transform into baby bottom smoothness can be Hoovered in less than an hour with little more than the sensation of a hickey.
“More and more men are aware of the advancements in technology and becoming more comfortable discussing their hair removal needs,” says Dr. Lisa Kellett, whose DLK on Avenue clinic in Toronto has invested in a $150,000 LightSheer machine that stands the size of an automated teller.
“For men, ridding yourself of unwanted hair has become much more mainstream and socially acceptable, in part related to the portrayal of men in the media, and the sometimes grizzly associations related to being excessively hairy.”
Lie down on the table and a clinician presses a “chill tip” hand piece against the skin. You feel a small area of your skin being sucked in and then released minus the once-existing hair. A short zapping sound destroys the hair follicle with heat and prevents new growth.
That’s an accomplishment unmatched by the transience of waxing or shaving.
An entire man’s back can be rendered hairless with the LightSheer in a pleasant, chatty half hour compared to a teeth-grinding 90 minutes the old way.
There are some limitations.
The technology has trouble with very light hair, as the trick here is to target pigments at the base of the follicle.
And one treatment won’t solve all of your hair issues. Generally, it will take three to six treatments to nab all of the stray hairs as they come in.
Each treatment rings in at about $200 at DLK.
Not cheap. But consider it means permanent shag riddance in a no-tear formula that doesn’t require the humiliation and anguish of endless repeats.
It’s technology that holds the power to bring final extinction to our inner caveman.
“I’m cursed with the family genes,” says Basil, a 20-something Torontonian undergoing the treatment who asked that his last name not be published. “I’ve got a European background and more hair than the average 20-year-old. It’s a thing now not to be a hairy beast.”
Enhancing romantic prospects is also a motivating factor, he says.
“I’ve heard from certain women I’ve been with and some definitely prefer less hair.”